Can YOU Feel It?

Living with the residual impact of trauma sucks and the beginning stages of healing can be just as brutal.

When it comes to learning how to process emotions, Body Talk, Body Wisdom, Body Awareness and exercises of the sort can be a trauma survivors' biggest challenge | frustration and I am here to tell you why that is normal AND that there is hope.

Traumatized people tend to disconnect from the body by numbing bodily experience because things are either happening too intensely, to quickly or they do not have the resources to handle it. So it is no surprise we may find exercises asking us to feel sensations and stay aware of the body to be difficult. They are asking us to fully experience the body and sensations the thoughts are creating.

During these times the sympathetic nervous systems get activated – our fight/flight/freeze response and we try to change what is happening. If a resolution is not found, the sympathetic arousal cannot be soothed or discharged and it becomes overloaded Our body's survival response is to adapt by shutting down.

The high nervous system arousal due to trauma and unprocessed experience make it challenging to hold a state of awareness, presence of our body and even mindful meditation. I’m going to share my experience to provide an example of what this may look like and then suggestions of how to work through the difficulty so you can begin to benefit from these fabulous practices.

At the beginning of working with some of the modalities I mentioned above, nothing happened for me. At that time, I questioned the validity of the methods. Sometimes when I would work with Body Wisdom, I could locate sensation in my body, intensely and in a matter of seconds – nothing. Like a faucet being shut off. It was really frustrating especially because I am okay with the icky part of healing and I wasn’t afraid to go through it, it just wouldn’t happen. But I guess I had numbed so much my body had to learn how to feel again, how to be with whatever it was experiencing.

And for some reason, I kept working with these methods. And on the rarest occasions, one would work… a little. And then a little more and a little more. After some time, I realized it is a lot like a meditation practice. You wouldn’t expect to be able and sit in meditation for 3 hours if you have never meditated before. You would start out with smaller sessions, maybe 5 minutes and add on as it became easier.

So, this is my suggestion for you.

If you find these "be in your body and feel what you are feeling" type processes don’t work, keep practicing. Don’t get frustrated and think you are broken or that the process isn't effective. Give it time, be patient and gentle with yourself.

I’ll compare this to a terrified, traumatized puppy dropped off at a shelter. It’s not likely it is going to run over to start to play the moment it arrives. It might sit shaking in the corner and after time start to sniff what is closest to it. Then after hours, days or weeks, of hearing the same voices, sounds, not being forced to do anything that scares it - once it feels it is safe it may start to make its way over to you.

Your traumatized mind and body may need that same time, consistency and patience. Keep going.

The work may not always feel great, sometimes it may feel like it isn’t working, but the subtle shifts will start to accumulate, and you will notice the positive impact of your commitment to your healing ♡

Do you have any questions?
Would you like to share your experience or talk about how to begin the work?
Let's schedule a time to chat.

Getting the most out of this holiday season

A lot can happen over the next few weeks.  A mix of excitement and overload.  And it is so crazy to think that the holidays are going to be here like the blink of an eye, as well as the new year!  I don't know about you, but I just started to get used to writing 2019!  

Here's what we can expect over the next few weeks:

• Changes to your usual routines

• Extra get togethers or activities

• Pressure of holiday responsibilities, shopping and budgets

• Potential for family feuds - If you are an empath or highly sensitive - exhaustion from the extra interactions

• Setting goals and intentions for the new year to come

Here are 8 expert tips to enjoy yourself and have a great holiday season

1. Set an intention for the season. 

• What do you want to do?

• How do you want to feel?

• What emotions do you want to experience?

List it all out, find what feels the most meaningful to you and create an intention.  You can even write it out as an affirmation - Something short, simple and sweet.  For example:

I am patient, joyful and kind. 

I am loving, present and calm.

I am living in the moment and finding something special in each of them.

2. Have realistic expectations. 

Nothing ruins a good time like expectations.  So let's get real.  

You know someone is going to say something that makes your jaw drop.  Someone is going to be late.  Someone is going to be messy.  Errands or tasks may take longer than usual.  Set yourself up for less disappointment by being realistic about what to expect.  

3. Have a plan for potentially tense situations.

1. Have a go-to mantra (a statement or phrase that you can repeat to yourself to bring you back to the moment and to a mental state that serves you. Example: I am calm, collected and remain centered.

2. Choose a style of pranayama or breathing exercise that helps you slow down and release. I love 3 part breathing. Generally, people breathe only into their upper chest and neglect the expansiveness of the lungs available by practicing deep diaphragmatic breathing. It will help calm the mind, slow the breath, and bring focus to the moment. It can be practiced seated, laying down, or standing. I like to suggest resting one hand on the belly and one hand on the heart to physically observe the expansion and contraction of the lungs. For the first few rounds, you may wish to exhale out the mouth, but generally, this breath should be in and out through the nose.

• Inhale deeply through the nose, inflating the belly as if expanding a balloon. Exhale through the nose, contracting the belly by pulling navel to spine.

• Inhale, fill the belly and low chest, expanding the ribcage front to back, side to side. Feel the space between the ribs expand. Exhale, the ribcage falls and belly contracts.

• Inhale, fill the belly, ribcage, and upper chest, breathing into the clavicle region, feeling the shoulders rise slightly at the top of your inhalation. Exhale, chest falls, ribcage falls, belly draws to spine.

• Repeat this breath, breathing in belly-ribcage-chest, and if preferred, add a short retention at the top of the inhalation, focusing on the point between the eyebrows, then exhale slowly through the nose.

4. Maintain some of your routines.  

Many people tend to get stressed or feel overwhelmed when their routines are interrupted, which we have to expect to happen this time of year.  As much as this may feel impossible or impractical, try to keep some consistency with your usual routine and now is the time to ramp up self-care. Pick up some new grounding and shielding routine to help you be less affected or less absorbent of the energy of those around you.  

One of my personal practices is that I have given a name to my wake up alarms on my cell phone. So when they go off, my phone shows the title of the alarm.  One, is "Make today great" and my final alarm (after 3 or 4 snoozes 😏) is "shields up".  This is when I imagine a shimmery golden glass egg coming up from the floor and encapsulating me to keep me protected from non-serving energy I will encounter throughout the day.   

5. Take care of your mind, body and behavior.  

• Body: Activate the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) and relax the body as a whole. My favorites - find a restorative yoga class, meditation or yoga nidra, these will also engage the PNS and help you rest, digest and heal.

• Emotions: Encourage positive emotions by focusing on and savoring all the positive experiences associated with the holidays. Spending a minute or so relishing these experiences helps them enter our long-term emotional memory and sink in. Think gratitude journal.

• Thoughts: Our thought create our experience, so if you find yourself frustrated or disappointed by something or someone, try to see the circumstance from a different perspective or a different lens.

• Actions: Do things more mindfully, more thoughtfully and with more intention.

6. Create reminders of your intention. 

It’s easy to get carried away, let stress consume you and forget the purpose and meaning of the holidays. A visual reminder helps bring you back and put things in perspective.  Taping quotes to your fridge or putting them in frames in other areas of the house is a simple reminder

• "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

• "You may be one person in the world, but to one person you may be the world."

• "A single sentence at the right time could change someone's life forever."

• "Let your presence be your present."

• "Life is too important to be taken seriously."

7. Create an environment of calm. 

• Do you have a favorite aroma or calming album?

• Is there a blanket that makes your stresses melt away as soon as you touch it?

• Or a cozy pair of socks or slippers or a pet you can snuggle up to?

• Do you have a favorite tea or light-hearted book you like to read?

• Keep all of these tools readily available and use them more often the usual.

• In fact, look for additional tools, like coloring, journaling, clearing away clutter, writing thank you notes to those you love or spending some time massaging your own feet or brushing your hair.

8. Have fun activities planned for get-togethers. 

Keep people occupied to keep them happy.  Find playful, silly games that can keep people engaged and interacting.  This allows for friendliness and fun to dominate over differences of opinions, our political climate or gossiping about what cousin Sally has been up to.  

Cards Against Humanity is always a fun adult game.  I used to love Catch Phrase!  Or you can create your own game.

I just had an idea to hide Christmas ornaments like you would Easter eggs!  You could put a tag on each one with truth or dare written on it or a get to know you question.  

Or even more fun, write a type of drink or shot on it and have the ingredients on hand, then whoever finds that ornament with that shot, that’s what they have to try.  You could do this with unusual foods too.

I hope these 8 tips are helpful to you and feel free to share with friends or loved ones who could use the support as well.  If you or anyone you know struggles this time of year due to holidays, family, Seasonal Affective Disorder or pressure of the upcoming new year, reach out or have them connect with me so we can discuss more personalized options to make it all more comfortable. Click here to schedule time to Chat!

Warmest wishes,

Heather